October

I debated posting this, but here goes anyway... I’m not really happy with it because I didn't get all the memories and details I have in my head across like I wanted to.

Every October, there’s pink ribbons everywhere in pledges to fight breast cancer. Everyone has a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend or a coworker who has fought or is fighting this disease. It is not a rare disease, it touches everyone and it touched me.

I remember the day my best friend told me her mom had cancer. We were in school, changing for dance class. In a locker room full of girls wearing pink leotards and black tights, I was putting on my ballet slippers when she looked at me and said, “My mom has breast cancer.” It was such a random statement and I knew she told me just then because she just couldn't hold it in any longer. Somehow, no one noticed us crying as we walked from the changing room to the dance studio. It was such a shock and so unreal and scary at 15.

That summer we took our annual summer vacation to Myrtle Beach. My best friend usually went with us and was supposed to go, but her family thought it would be best if she stayed home.

A week later, jumping out of the car after a 16-hour drive, the first thing I wanted to do was see her. Living next door to each other, we pretty much spent every free moment at each other’s houses. Instead, I saw her boyfriend and I just knew and broke down crying before I made it up the driveway.

Fast-forward a couple of summers later, my aunt Mary is diagnosed with breast cancer. She was doing well, fighting and beating it. It came back even though she was being treated. She was going downhill really quickly. Again, the family was in Myrtle Beach (I don’t think I can ever go back there) and for some reason, I didn't go. My dad and sister did, so I had to be the person coordinating all this. I didn't want my dad to hear the bad news on the road, so I had to be the person who told him that his sister passed away.

I remember feeling so alone. I was all by myself and I remember going into work and just breaking down in tears when I told my boss. Today is aunt Mary’s birthday. She would have been 51 years old. She was my Godmother too and I was given the middle name Mary after her, so I carry a part of her everyday.

Both of these women were inspiring, uplifting people that I feel blessed to have in my life. They were a lot of fun to be around and I greatly miss them both. I think of their kind spirits and wonderful smiles and I know their watching over me and their families.